Allthyngs

This isn’t really a huge deal, because you can still find episodes and clips of each at Thedailyshow.com and Colbertnation.com respectively, but it’s fun to watch the old media bumble around confusedly like my grandma trying to buy shoes online. I mean come on, next they’re gonna tell me I can only download movies from one Limewire page at a time and then eat a stick of butter off the table.

Read the full story in The New York Times.

A bunch of famous artists (seriously, like all of them. Even Lil Wayne, but don’t worry, he’s auto-tuned. And is that Scarlett Johnasson in the back there?) got together recently to re-record We are the World to help Haiti. To keep them from helping Haiti, I’m posting it here for you to watch the video (which was made by Oscar winning director Paul Haggis), but if you actually want to help Haiti, you can pay to download the track at www.World25.org. It’s a good song, and Haitians have it pretty shitty, so go download the damn song. Or just watch it here and send some money anyway.

What’s wrong with America right now? If you answered “big businesses,” you’re partially correct. If you answered “Two and a Half Men,” well, I’d have to give you credit for that too. If you answered “there’s no sequel to Wallstreet,” you’d be given full credit and graduate at the top of your class. Congratulations. “But Grant,” you stammer as you search for your carelessly tossed mortarboard, “All the graduation in the world doesn’t matter if there’s still no sequel to Wallstreet.” Well then my eager alumni, do I have some news to brighten your day before the real world crushes your soul into oblivion: Wallstreet 2: Money Never Sleeps hits theaters this April! If you haven’t seen Wallstreet, Netflix it or whatever you kids do these days. It’s one of the greatest cautionary tales of greed and power to date, plus Dr. Cox is in it. Now, with that whole recession thing and all, is a perfect time for another jaunt down the corruption riddled block, and if (and this is a big if) the sequel is done right it could be just as memorable as the first. Although Shia Lebouf is no Charlie Sheen (although Charlie Sheen is no Charlie Sheen, whatever that means) and Oliver Stone hasn’t really put out anything great in a while, I have faith. Where there’s potential for failure, there’s potential for success, and where there’s potential for success, Gordon Gecko will certainly be nearby.

Check out the two trailers released today on Apple Trailers

There’s no way I’m going to get to California in April, but for anyone who can, GO TO COACHELLA. Look at this lineup! Passion Pit! Avett Brothers! Hot Chip! Frightened Rabbit! AND MAYBE EVEN THOM YORKE. I would gladly give my left and maybe even right hand to go.

Find out more at Coachella.com

Alec Baldwin was taken to the hospital today because his 14-year old daughter (who’s named Ireland? Really? Ireland?) called the police when he threatened to take some pills during an argument with her. Apparently it was nothing though, because, you know, he didn’t actually take the pills. Still, it’s always impressive when a parent manages to be more childish than their kid.

Read more on The Huffington Post

I know a good deal when I see one, and boy do I see one. I, like most normal people, have not seen all ten best picture nominees. AMC (the theater chain, not the channel) is giving us all an opportunity to flex our inner critic by showcasing all ten nominees over two weekends (February 27+March 6) at select theaters. It’s only $40 for MovieWatcher members (MovieWatcher membership is free online) and the ticket includes free UNLIMITED popcorn. Compared to what it cost to see Avatar once, this is an outright heist.

Check out this .pdf for the participating theaters
And find out more on the AMC website

Warner Music has decided that they aren’t gonna let streaming music services (Like Last.FM, LaLa, Grooveshark, and Pandora) stream their music anymore. What’s so bad about streaming music anyway? How is it different from the radio? I’m sorry guys, but this is the future of music and the internet, whether you’re on board or not.

Read the full story on BBC.co.uk

I feel like missions that are really impossible probably don’t have sequels, and definitely not three sequels, but hey, exploding things. JJ Abrams is coming back again too, but he’s just directing this time, and two dudes I’ve never heard of are writing the script based on an idea from Tom Cruise and JJ Abarms. “Based on an idea from Tom Cruise and JJ Abrams.” That’s not really encouraging, given that I feel like both of them would be OK with a story about a giant invisible Alien Space-Monster God who wants to drop human souls into a volcano or something. But hey, exploding things.

Read more about this “story” on the Huffington Post

The official band list came out… and I’m going to have to say it… it’s not meeting the bonnaroo bar this year. Sure there are a lot of great acts, like Jay-Z, Norah Jones, Dave Matthews Band, Stevie Wonder, and The Flaming Lips on the farm for 2010, but it just doesn’t feel like the Roo. Last year there were at least 8 bands that could have headlined that festival (hell, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs headlined Lolla, and they didn’t even get a night slot at bonnaroo!) I mean come on guys. Kings of Leon as a headliner? and Weezer? Don’t get me wrong Pinkerton is a great album, but they haven’t done anything relavent since the late 90’s.

I love bonnaroo, and I have faith that they’ll put a great show together. There are ups; I like a lot of the smaller bands. Jay Electronica, Diane Birch, She and Him, and The National are going to be great shows. And there are some guilty pleasures on the list too, like the blood spewing metal band GWAR. But still, Bonnaroo 2010, I’m going to wait and see what other acts you can bring out before I buy my ticket.

Find out more about the roo at www.bonnaroo.com

According to fancy people, it’s about as likely that we’ll ever see Fashion Week at the Jersey Shore as it is that we’ll see the Jersey Shore at Fashion Week. Normally, celebrities just put out an announcement that they’d like to go to fashion week, and designers snap at the chance to get them in the front rows of their shows. But for some strange reason, the people who run classy, luxury lines of fancy clothing think that having the cast of Jersey Shore at their demonstrations might not be the image they’re going for.

Read the whole story at StyleList.com

Michael Jackson’s personal doctor, Conrad Murray, was charged with involuntary manslaughter today because he prescribed an anesthetic for Jackson that was a little more than just some good shit. Oopsies.

Read the full story in The New York Times

The Academy has announced their nominations for this years Oscars, which will be hosted by Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, by the way. Here are the big three categories, and the rest (along with our thoughts) are after the jump (click “read more”):

Best picture:
“Avatar” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
“The Blind Side” Nominees to be determined
“District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
“An Education” Finola Dwyer and Amanda Posey, Producers
“The Hurt Locker” Nominees to be determined
“Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
“A Serious Man” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen, Producers
“Up” Jonas Rivera, Producer
“Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers

Best actor:
Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”

Best Actress:
Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”

See the full list on the Academy’s website

What a nice boy. The brilliant, wonderful people over at NBC couldn’t bring themselves to pony up severance pay for all the people they fucked over by thinking a 60 year old man could revolutionize comedy, so Conan’s doing it for them. According to TMZ, 50 stagehands on Conan’s crew didn’t get any severance, so Conan is giving them 6 weeks pay out of the $45 million NBC gave him to leave. Personally, I think Jay Leno should’ve just pulled an Oprah and given them each a car.

Read the full story onTMZ

80 artists have recorded a new version of “We Are the World,” in the same studio where the original was recorded, to benefit both Haiti and their own egos. The new song will premiere during the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics, just to make sure the 95% of the world not represented in the song fully understands how much more important than them we are. Pink, Natalie Cole, Kanye West, Jennifer Hudson, Celine Dion, Brian Wilson, Lil Wayne, Barbara Streisand, Snoop Dogg, LL Cool J, and Wyclef Jean are all on the new track, AND, as if all that weren’t enough, they recorded the whole recording process in 3D! See kids, 3D is the future.

Read more about this story on The Huffington Post

Oh thank god! Rumor has it they might be heading somewhere warmer this season. If the producers haven’t decided on a place yet, I hear there are some lovely rooms available in Guantanamo Bay.

Read more at The Huffington Post

Apparently that’s a crime now? Shit, thanks for the heads up. If only someone had told Rip (remember him? He was Zed, the boss, in Men in Black?) that before he (allegedly) stumbled drunk into a Connecticut bank with a loaded handgun while stinking drunk on Friday. For those of you studying Bank Robbing Strategy, he was apparently unsuccessful.

Read more at The Huffington Post

JD Salinger died, Chris Matthews forgot Obama was black, Nancy Pelosi thinks she can pass the Senate health care bill, Ford turned a profit last year, Joe Scarborough almost died, and somebody else already made a product called the iPad. Oops.

Teen pregnancy is going up, Someone saw a gun on Northwestern University’s campus so the whole school shut down, Hayden Panettiere died her hair red, A man was arrested for smuggling 44 lizards in his underwear, another guy was arrested for head-butting a grocer over the price of crab cakes, and PETA wants to replace Punxsutawny Phil with a robot.

Osama bin Laden says he was behind the Christmas Day attempted bombing of flight 253, The Jersey Shore cast wants more money, and Andy Dick got arrested.

Obama’s keeping 50 prisoners at Guantanamo for now, Filibuster reform if gonna be introduced to the Senate, A Russian Cop with a YouTube account was arrested for fraud, and Jay Leno’s gonna perform at the White House Correspondents Dinner this year.